


Guess How Much I Love You?

by H_L_Hunter



Series: Guess How Much I Love You [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Adorable Peter Parker, Angst, Awesome Pepper Potts, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Guess How Much I Love You? Book, I wrote this after reading the book as my little brother's bedtime story, Insecure Tony Stark, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, Peter Parker is Tony Stark's Biological Child, Precious Peter Parker, This is my favourite book ever, This probably sucks, Tony Stark Has Nightmares, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, but i love it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-27
Updated: 2019-03-27
Packaged: 2019-12-18 14:22:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18251615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/H_L_Hunter/pseuds/H_L_Hunter
Summary: “Guess how much I love you,” four-year-old Peter Stark said as his father pulled the duvet up over his Star Wars pyjama-clad body. Tony, who had gone through this same routine every night since he first brought that book home for his son, smiled.“Oh I don’t think I could guess that,” said Tony, the familiar words rolling off his tongue as if they were his own.Snapshots of Tony Stark's life as he is separated from his son, only to be reunited nearly ten years later.





	Guess How Much I Love You?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [everythingisconnected](https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisconnected/gifts).



> Hey! This was a spur of the moment fanfic idea inspired by one of the greatest moments in my life:
> 
> My brother is ten years old and he has Autism. He is non-verbal but I love him a lot, and each night I read his favourite book before bed. That book is Guess How Much I Love You?. Now, he cannot say my name, nor can he speak sentences that are his own, but each time we read this book he says "I love you" and repeats the words from the story and it makes me cry every time. I wanted to share this love in some way, and although this is a bit unorthodox in doing so, I thought it was sweet nonetheless. It is currently one in the morning so this is probably very shit, but I would appreciate the feedback. Enjoy.

* * *

_Little Nutbrown Hare, who was going to bed, held on tight to Big Nutbrown Hare’s very long ears. He wanted to be sure that Big Nutbrown Hare was listening._

_“Guess how much I love you,”_ four-year-old Peter Stark said as his father pulled the duvet up over his Star Wars pyjama-clad body. Tony, who had gone through this same routine every night since he first brought that book home for his son, smiled.

 _“Oh I don’t think I could guess that,”_ said Tony, the familiar words rolling off his tongue as if they were his own.

 _“This much,”_ said ~~_Little Nutbrown Hare_ ~~ Peter, stretching out his arms as wide as they could go.

 ~~ _Big Nutbrown Hare_~~ Tony had even longer arms. _“But I love you_ this _much,”_ he said, tucking Peter’s little arms back under the covers before reaching over to pull out his very own Little Nutbrown Hare plush from where it had fallen down the side of the bed. Peter grabbed the toy and hugged it as tightly as he possibly could, snuggling down into the soft bed as his father kissed his brown curls and switched on the blue nightlight that sat on the bedside table. With a love-filled “goodnight, _bambino_ ”, Tony got up and walked to the door and stopped to turn the light off. When he looked back at the son who had changed his life, he saw the little boy was already fast asleep, so he just smiled and closed the door, and headed down to his lab like he did every night.

_Hmm, that is a lot, thought Little Nutbrown Hare._

* * *

_“I love you as high as I can reach,” said Little Nutbrown Hare._

Tony had barely stepped off the plane which had brought him home from Afghanistan when he had asked to see his son, but Pepper’s relieved smile had fallen from her lips as she sat him down to explain what had happened whilst he was gone. That was how Tony found himself writing a letter to Benjamin and May Parker, Peter’s aunt and uncle on his mother’s side, at nearly two in the morning. They had been his son’s next of kin and with Tony considered MIA, Peter was sent to live with them. Nothing Pepper or Rhodey could do would change the rules Tony and Peter’s mother had agreed when he was born.

It had taken every inch of Tony’s willpower to not go flying straight over to the small Queens apartment, but Rhodey had convinced him that he needed to sleep and straighten himself up before he went as he;d been gone for so long. Tony had reluctantly agreed, deciding to get an early night instead of going to his lab, but had instead woken up thrashing in the sheets as a scream died in his throat. He’d been soaked in sweat when he went running to throw up in the toilet of the en suite as he tried to shake the thoughts from his mind and nearly, _nearly_ , made up his mind to fly to Queens there and then. His not-so-newfound insecurity took over. He hadn’t even managed to sleep for a few hours before he was being tortured in his dreams, and his time in the desert had given him time to think about the mess he was; the mess he had made of himself over his life.

He couldn’t bring Peter back into that, not now.

So instead, Tony sat there for hours watching the videos May Parker had filmed of Peter and Ben that Pepper had gathered for him, feeling his heart swell with pride before break with the fact that his son was so _happy_ there, away from him. A voice in his head berated him, accusing him of being a crappy father before he’d been kidnapped, and he had been. Tony hadn’t been the best father; he still had a drinking problem though he’d been getting a hold of it since Peter’s mother had passed away for his son’s sake. He’d made sure that every choice he made was one that disregarded everything in his copy of _Howard Stark’s A+ Parenting_ , deciding to change his life around for his son, but in those few short hours he disregarded all of this and made a decision that he would come to regret but also be thankful for later in life.

He made the decision that Peter should stay with May and Ben.

Tony hand-wrote the letter he posted the second the sun had broken over the horizon of his Malibu home. It felt more personal when he stared at the tear stains on the bottom of the page that he folded up and neatly tucked into the envelope, the Parker’s address written as perfectly as possible on the back. He’d gotten a response the very next day in the form of a phone call from Ben, who spent nearly five hours making sure the Billionaire was absolutely sure that he wanted Peter to stay in New York. In those five hours Tony had broken down twice, nearly had a panic attack and had promised to provide them with anything they needed, especially when it came to money as he knew that Ben and May didn’t earn all that much. Ben, bless him, had seemed to understand exactly what Tony was going through and promised the Genius that he could visit his son whenever he wanted.

When Tony finally hung up, he found himself curled up on his massive bed hugging his Big Nutbrown Hare plush close to his Arc Reactor tightly, the light reminding him of the nightlight that sat down the hall on Peter’s bedside table, as he tried his best not to cry again. This was for the best. It was for Peter.

 _“I love you as high as_ I _can reach,” said Big Nutbrown Hare._

_That is very high, thought Little Nutbrown Hare. I wish I had arms like that._

* * *

_Then Little Nutbrown Hare had a good idea. He tumbled upside down and reached up the tree trunk with his feet. “I love you all the way up to my toes!” he said._

The Hammer Drones had attacked the STARK Expo 2010 and Tony, clad in his Iron Armour, had swooped down to blast one of the drones before it had the chance to hurt a little boy wearing an Iron Man mask. Tony’s heart - well, his Arc Reactor - had nearly shattered. That boy couldn’t have been any older than Peter was, and he’d reacted before he’d even the chance to realise what he was doing. With the drone destroyed, Tony looked down at the boy and said “Nice work, Kid” before flying off.

Back in his lab a few days later and Tony kept replaying the event in his mind as he traced his finger down the lines left by his palladium poisoning. Suddenly, DUM-E came rolling into the lab with the post clutched in his claw, making strange noises as he waved the envelopes in front of his creator’s face. With a grunt, Tony took the post from his creation and sent the robot back to its charging station, giving it a fond smile when DUM-E had turned his back. Three of the letters were from contractors and Tony would just send those to Pepper, which was where they now went. Most of the others were just fan mail, but one had very familiar handwriting on the front. That one, a a4 sized envelope with a board inside to keep it flat, he tore open without a second thought, pausing only when he saw just what was inside.

A drawing of Iron Man next to a smaller person, though this smaller person was only wearing the helmet and repulsors with red shorts and a yellow t shirt. They were holding hands and seemed to be stood in a field with flowers, a tree, and a sun drawn in the corner of the page. It was pretty good, considering on the side it said in blue crayon “Peter Parker aged nine”. The handwriting was pretty scruffy, but Tony was in awe nonetheless. Clipped to the back of it with a paperclip was a photo, one that Tony nearly dropped when he saw it.

The same little boy who had been wearing the Iron Man mask and gauntlets at the Expo, the same boy Tony had saved that day, was being held in the arms of May Parker. The mask had been pushed up onto his head like a welding mask, revealing those same brown eyes, a few loose brown curls and a bright smile that revealed a missing front tooth. He was still wearing the repulsors as he hugged his aunt tightly. Through the image Tony could make out the words on the back; Ben’s neat handwriting reading _“he won’t stop talking about how “Iron Man saved him from bad robots!” :-D”_.

When Tony went to bed that night, he placed that photograph in the lap of his plush Big Nutbrown Hare, staring at it as he fell asleep.

 _“And_ I _love you all the way up to your toes,” said Big Nutbrown Hare, swinging him up over his head._

* * *

_“I love you as high as I can hop!” laughed Little Nutbrown Hare, bouncing up and down._

If he didn’t do it, the whole of New York would be destroyed, so Tony put all his power into the thrusters and forced the Nuclear bomb higher and higher and higher towards the wormhole the Chitauri army was pouring out of. There was no other option. He had to do it.

Pepper hadn’t answered the phone. She was probably so distracted by the news of the attack that she hadn’t noticed him calling, but it had been worth a try. The higher he flew the more time seemed to slow until there was only one thing on his mind.

“Jarvis, call Ben Parker,” he asked his AI, and Jarvis replied with an affirmative before the ringing began. It rang and rang and rang for what felt like forever, until the line disconnected.

“Unable to make contact, Sir. Calling May Parker,” Jarvis said, and Tony let out a sign when the same response came back. Instead, he just closed his eyes as his thrusters finally ran out of power. The bomb was still heading upwards but suddenly, he was falling down and down and down. The last thing on his mind before everything went back, was Peter.

 _“But I love you as high as_ I _can hop,” smiled Big Nutbrown Hare - and he hopped so high that his ears touched the branches above._

_That’s good hopping, thought Little Nutbrown Hare. I wish I could hop like that._

* * *

_“I love you all the way down the lane as far as the river,” cried Little Nutbrown Hare._

His heart was pounding in his chest behind the Arc Reactor as Tony shot up, the flashes of the Battle of New York screaming at the front of his mind as they mixed with memories from his time in Afghanistan. He hated it. God, he hated it. He hated feeling this badly whenever he tried to sleep. Pepper was laying next to him, her ginger locks covering half her face as she continued to sleep peacefully, and as he went to shake her shoulder he froze. Pepper had always told him he could wake her when he needed to speak to someone, but… he just couldn’t bring himself to do it that night. Instead, Tony got up slowly as to not disturb her and walked to the bathroom, where he splashed his face with water and stared at the bags under his eyes in the mirror. He hadn’t slept properly in weeks, not since he got back from his little meeting with Harley Keener in Tennessee.

Harley had reminded Tony of Peter. Of May and Ben’s letters and phone calls about how much Peter was growing up, about the plans the three of them had made that when Peter was in high school they would think about telling him the truth about his father as he’d never seemed to show any signs of remembering. This had been something that concerned Tony immensely; Peter had only been eight when he went to live with his aunt and uncle, surely he would remember his father at that age? Or had he been away from Tony for so long that he had no memories of him anymore?

Another splash of water over his face and Tony was tiptoeing back to his bedroom. He didn’t return to his bed, however. No, he went to the bookshelf and carefully pulled down the old copy of his favourite book. Carrying it as if it was the more precious than his arc reactor was, which to Tony it really was, he stopped only to grab a folded square from the chair in the room before he trudged down the hallway of the Avengers’ Tower until he reached the lift and let it take him down to the living area. He forewent the coffee and instead just grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen, then settled himself down on the sofa and laid the blanket over his legs. It was Peter’s blanket from when he was a baby, black with a red trim and decorated in snowflakes and teddy bears. Peter had called it his _Teddies_. The worn out piece of fabric barely covered Tony’s lap and didn’t even reach past his knees, but it still provided more warmth and comfort than anything else in the world. The billionaire opened the book to the first page, and as he used to do every night, started to read aloud.

The next morning and Tony was face down on the sofa with a real blanket laid over him. He’d already been asleep when Steve had woken up at six am for his run, so he hadn’t seen the super-soldier close the book and place it on the coffee table before covering the genius in a bigger blanket. He’d still been asleep when Pepper had brought down the Big Nutbrown Hare plush and laid it in his arms. He’d still been asleep when Bruce woke up and placed a cup of coffee on the table for when Tony finally roused from his sleep. He’d still been asleep when Natasha had taken a photograph that she had every intention of sending to Pepper so it could make its way to the Parker home.

_“I love you across the river and over the hills,” said Big Nutbrown Hare._

_That’s very far, thought Little Nutbrown Hare. He was almost too sleepy to think anymore._

* * *

_Then he looked beyond the thorn bushes, out into the big dark night. Nothing could be farther than the sky._

Nearly five months ago, Tony had met Peter face to face for the first time. Nearly five months ago, he had given his son a supersuit and taken him to Germany where he helped sit the Avengers down and everyone talked things over. Nearly five months ago and he had his son back. Then his anxiety and the stress of getting Ross kicked off of the Accords Committee distracted him from the bond he was trying to remake with the kid who changed his life and he nearly, _nearly_ , lost it again because of his own stupidity. Then May had sat him down the day after she found out Peter was Spider-Man and made him promise that he would tell Peter the truth.

It was time. He just never seemed to be able to do it. Every time the kid came bounding into the lab after school or came swinging over to the Compound  with a giddy smile Tony faltered and couldn’t bring himself to break what they had made because… well, because he was Tony Stark and he had a history of fucking things up. Badly.

It was the weekend and May was working four days straight. Since Peter wasn’t back at school until Tuesday because of a teacher training course so he’d convinced his aunt to let him stay at the Compound all weekend. May had agreed, but she had given Tony a pointed look when Peter rushed off to pack some clothes. This weekend, or May would do it herself. Tony had been shaking all throughout the ride upstate, though Peter had been rambling too much about school and decathlon to notice. When they’d arrived, Peter had gone running inside to say hello to Rhodey and Pepper and to put his bag in his room. Tony didn’t see him again until about an hour later in the lab, in which Rhodey had stopped his panic attack before it had even started.

Like they always did, Tony and Peter got to work on the Spider-Man suit. They worked on coding and on the web shooters before stocking up Peter’s supply of web fluid so he didn’t have to keep making it in his Chemistry class. When they were done, they moved onto the Iron Armour and Tony got to teaching Peter about Nanites. The kid was fascinated yet also surprised Tony with just how much he knew already.

They’d fallen into a comfortable silence eventually, one that seemed to come naturally to them both when they were both happily working away, but Tony’s mind kept reeling. He should do it. He should do it now and get it over with but every time he tried to form the words they would get stuck or he’d chicken out or-

“Peter, there’s something I need to tell you,” Tony said all of a sudden, and damn there was no going back now. To his left, the billionaire could see Peter put down his web fluid and spin around on the chair, yet when Tony looked over the kid seemed… well, he couldn’t tell. “Kid, I-”

“I know what this is about,” Peter said all of a sudden, and Tony bit his tongue as his mouth snapped shut. His silence was enough for Peter to continue for him.

“Did you think I would ever forget the fact that Tony Stark is my dad?” Peter asked him with a small smile on his lips, but Tony’s only response was to let out the breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding and dropped his head into his hands.

“God,” he breathed out, suddenly snapping his head back up as he did his best to not fall to his knees and beg for Peter’s forgiveness. “Peter, _Bambino_ , you’ve gotta believe me; I never wanted to leave you with your aunt and uncle like that. They took me- in Afghanistan, and when I-I got back y-you were already with them and you were so _happy_ !” He was rambling by now, running a hand down his face as he refused to make eye contact, “I was such a mess when I got back, I didn’t want to drag you into all that crap. Your grandpa was an asshole and I-I didn’t want to end up like him what with the drinking and the-the nightmares and- so your aunt and uncle said they’d take care of you u-until I could get back on my feet but then so much time passed and I thought you’d forgotten about me. May always said you idolised Iron Man and sent my the picture you drew of us after I saved you at the Expo back in 2010. I framed that, by the way, it’s hanging on my bedroom wall. Oh, Pete, I know I’ve barely been there for you and I have no right to ask for your forgiveness b-but _please_ could… could you just give me a chance? I’ll do anything to make it up to you, I promise, I’ll-”

“DAD!” Peter shouted. He’d been calling Tony’s name for ages by that point, but Tony had been so far gone in his thoughts he hadn’t heard him until the teenager shouted. He hadn’t noticed that he was crying, either. Tony froze and stared at Peter, but had to wipe the tears away so he could see that his son had moved closer and was nothing more than an arm’s length away. There was a brief pause, then Peter broke it.

“ _Guess how much I love you,_ ” Peter said, the smile forming on his lips as Tony choked out a sob. He didn’t care that he was crying anymore.

 _“Oh I don’t think I could guess that,”_ said Tony, the familiar words rolling off his tongue as if they were his own. Peter stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Tony’s middle, burying his head right next to the arc reactor as Tony threw his arms around his son’s shoulders and cried into his hoodie.

_“I love you right up to the moon,” he said, and closed his eyes._

_“Oh that’s far,” said_ ~~_Big Nutbrown Hare_ ~~ Tony _, “that is very far.”_

* * *

They stayed there for hours, Tony’s cries dying down as they both repeated “I missed you” to one another over and over and over again. Peter had let loose a few tears of his own, and when they were both calmer they both sat down and talked about everything they had missed until it was well past both their bedtimes and Tony nearly had to carry a sleepy Peter up to his room, just like he had done nearly ten years ago. In Peter’s new room, just a few doors down from Tony and Pepper’s, Tony took the opportunity to tuck his son into bed and placed the Little Nutbrown Hare plush in the little Spider’s arms when he found it poking out the top of his backpack. It was such a familiar sight, and one Tony had hoped he would get to see one last time in his life.

_He leaned over and kissed him goodnight. Then he lay down close by and whispered with a smile._

_“I love you right up to the moon - and back.”_

* * *

 


End file.
